Dear White Friend,

I know you may not understand what is going on. You may be outraged by a few of the stories you have heard of minorities being mistreated in America, but what you don’t understand is that this is not new. This is not something that’s “going on right now”. It is something that has been going on for centuries.

What you don’t know about me is that I have always been the “diverse” person in the group. My parents worked hard to provide a better life for me and my siblings and that is likely how we met. What you don’t know is that living in your world as the “other” or the “diverse” person has not been all that it’s cracked up to be. You see, it gave you the freedom to say that you have a black friend, but it often put me in uncomfortable situations. And you do have a black friend. I love and cherish our relationship. I know that you are a good person. I’ve met your family and you’ve met mine. We’ve gone through trials and hardships and wonderful times and celebrations together. You’ve been a great friend… for the most part.

Where you fell short was recognizing the fact that I am a black person and the world, including you, sees me differently because of that. I have different struggles that you will never have and that you never will understand. When you thought you were complimenting me by saying that I don’t act black, or told me that I’m “one of the good ones, or even going as far as to say that I am not like “those” black people that was not a compliment; it was hurtful.

I’ve heard you say things like “she just looks suspicious” or “he was wearing the wrong clothes” when hearing about an incident where a black person is harmed by another. And while that was not ok, I knew that you were not ready to hear my thoughts. I knew that would end our friendship and further solidify the unconscious beliefs that shaped your reality. So my response was to continue being me and to introduce you to more people like me. My hope was that you would find enough evidence that opposed those beliefs, and that they would eventually change. That you would see the beauty in everyone and not judge people based on the way that they look or dress.

You have had enough time. You have seen enough evidence. You have been exposed to enough “diverse” people to know what is right and what is wrong. You may see the death of George Floyd as an obvious injustice. You may see the death of Amaud Aubery as an obvious wrong. But I NEED you to see that this is not new. This has been going on for centuries. I’ve been experiencing this type of pain my entire life and I am tired. I am angry. I am hurt. And rather than argue with me about whether or not confederate leaders should keep their statues and memorials or the true reason behind the civil war, I need you to have empathy.

I need you to know that when I see videos of black people being brutalized I cannot distance myself from them because I see my own family; my father, my mother, my brothers, my sisters, and myself. I need you to know that I have never felt safe around the police because I grew up seeing police brutalize others who looked like me. I need you to know that I had to work harder than others and be the best to prove that I earned my place and it wasn’t a handout. And most importantly, I need you to speak up and I need you to act. I need you to speak up when I’m around and when I’m not. I need you to let other white friends know that racism is real and it is not just hurtful, it’s deadly and it has been killing people for a long time. Standing beside me is not enough. I need you to stand in front of me because this is not my fight, it is yours.

Sincerely,

Your Black Friend.